This one is for my person

Before I ever met my girlfriend I would always daydream about all the things I would do if I ever met someone like her. The places we’d go, the stories I'd tell to her, and the memories we would create. There would be countless nights I would lay awake staring up at the ceiling wondering what qualities the girl that I would so helplessly fall in love with would have. How would her laughter take form when I tell a cheesy joke, would it be a quiet chuckle or more of a gracious belt? What color would her eyes be, and how would she look at me with them? What does she dream of, and how can I help her make those dreams not only dreams but a beautiful reality for her? Does she dream of me, and where is she right now in her life?

It’s funny cause there’s this date in my journal in which the day I sat down and wrote down the exact qualities of a person I was looking for. It’s funny because that date happens to be her birthdate. I can’t help but feel like I manifested her somehow, writing all these letters to my future wife, and I know this might sound crazy to you, but it’s perfectly clear to me that she’s the one I've been writing to. Every note, every love poem, every doodle of us, it’s all for her. I know she’s my person and I don’t plan on convincing anyone, because it’s true what they say that when you know you know- and I just do.

When I was single I wasn’t so sure of what my future would be. For a long time I didn’t even believe I’d have a future. And now, I paint pictures of my future not only in my dreams, but in my actions. I want to be the best person I can be for her. I want to have a steady job, so we can have our own place, and I can help take care of us. I’m building my writing portfolio not only to make me proud but for her as well. I want her to be able to look over and tell anyone with that cute smile pointing at me from afar saying, “That’s my girl, she did that.”

My whole life I've been an outsider, wanting to be surrounded by people who love and accept me, and I finally have that. Today alone we were laying together staring into each other's eyes talking about what our wedding would look like one day. It felt so nice to dream together until I remembered my reality. I instantly was hit with the image of her family on one side and mine on the other and I realized all I would have would be my mom. I don’t know if she saw but I started to tear up a little, remembering again how bitter the touch of isolation feels. But before I could even think of spiraling she told me, “You’d have my family there, and my family is your family.” I don’t know if she knows how much that really means to be, to be reminded that she’s here, and that there are people who will love me for me.

She always apologizes when she cries but I don’t think she's realized yet how much I myself cry. My best friend herself has branded me as a professional cry baby, and right now as I wipe a few tears from my cheeks I proudly own the title. I feel so strongly for her, and I’m not ashamed of dedicating this blog post to her because she is the cause of my divine inspiration. Stephen King himself said in his memoir that what pushed him to keep writing was to see how his wife would react when she would read his work. How he could imagine her smiling in his head reading certain lines, or how she would hang onto every sentence in suspense. My girlfriend is the one I’m writing for, and so if you’re a fan of any of my posts you can thank her for keeping me dedicated to my craft.

And to my girlfriend, my first subscriber, and always the first to read and like my posts: I love you, thankyou for inspiring me whether directly or indirectly to always want to achieve more.