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I'M BACK! (and where I've been)

In my last post I did a review of my 2021, and in it I mentioned how it started with an abundance of hospital visits and not even a week into my 2022 it started the same. In the past two weeks I've been in the ER twice, and in the doctor's office about five times. I went from previously working two jobs, and driving anywhere my heart wanted to now not being able to leave my bedside because of my heart.

I don’t want to go into too much detail about my health related issues as I'm still trying to figure out how serious it is and what its future impact will be on me. But what I will say is, I’ve not at all been myself. This past month I’ve been having a hard time standing to even use the bathroom or to make a meal for myself. I’ve fainted, and have had to have an ambulance called on me. My mental health has been very challenging for me to maintain, and there have been days where all I could achieve was just sleeping.

The good news however, is that now almost a month later I am finally doing better, and I have at least got a couple diagnoses. I know continuing to get better will take time, and a lot of patience, but my mother raised me to be a strong woman, and strong I have become. I should be going back to work soon, most likely with modified hours, and if I'm still having further complications I at least know there’s medicine I can take that should help me.

In non medical news, I did find out this week that three of my pieces will be published in Sunday Morning’s at the River. When I read that I had been accepted, I immediately called up my best friend and ugly cried over the phone to her. It was the perfect news I needed to hear, and something to further motivate me to work on the thing’s that I can control when my health is not always one of them.

I think that’s the hardest thing I’ve had to cope with this month, the sudden reminder that we are all only mortal in the end. That at any point in our lives everything we’ve become accustomed to can all at once change for us. But what I've realized throughout this, is that I can either let that scare me or let it instead motivate me.

All I've done this week alone now is submit, submit, submit! It’s been tiring but it’s also given me something else to focus on while being out of work. My problem, like many with work has always been letting it take the majority of my focus and time. I haven’t been taking my writing as nearly as seriously because after working two jobs, and being in a long term relationship, I don’t always have the energy left in me to take my writing seriously. But I want to change this- I have to. I don’t know when or how long it will take me but I'm so fucking tired of underselling myself when I know I have potential.


And the question I always ask myself is:
What good is potential if you’re never going to do anything with it?

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